Yesterday I did a rare and dangerous thing: I turned on the oven. My girls were both home from college and work and I was baking some of those flaky butter-tasting biscuits I had no business baking. You know – the ones from the refrigerated section by the rolls of iced cinnamon rolls and sugar cookie rolls that I pretend aren’t there in the store?! Those!
I kept checking on the biscuits and they were getting rather done on the outside, but the insides were as raw as if I’d just put them in there. So my 22-year-old, who is an amazing chef/baker, says:
“Uhm…Mom, you have to push the Bake button.”
“I DID push the Bake button.”
“No you didn’t. You pushed Convection Bake. See the difference? Convection Bake heats up the air around the biscuits and they get done on the outside, but stay raw in the middle. The other Bake cooks them evenly from the inside out.”
I changed the Bake setting and finished cooking some amazingly buttery, flaky biscuits. Silly Mom. Baking is for kids.
I have started seeing a new counselor lately. It’s hard to find someone who really understands you, ya know? She really gets me.
So yesterday afternoon we’re mid-counseling-session, going over some issue or another and she says something about how we spend a lot of time protecting ourselves from the outside – looking good, smiling, having the right cars and clothes and “toys,” – but we are raw and hurting on the inside.
We also discussed how people get so angry and bark, bark, bark at others for this or that or the other so that they look rugged and tough on the outside, all the while they are completely raw and hurting (and probably angry with something they’ve done themselves) on the inside.
I paused, then smiled.
“Like the biscuits.” I said out loud before I could stop myself. Then I told her the story.
I realized I am going to need to change my environment and slow down so that I am not “done” on the outside, yet raw on the inside.
After all, who wants a half-baked anything?